from Downtown Brooklyn #20 (2011)
GUESS WHO I CUT IN TWO LAST NIGHT?
my best friend is to all-natural & naked as the day she was born as lead or mercury or cadmium is to super-genius & sight for sore eyes is to home-cooked meal as howling wind is to good music for sex & music to the ear is to deliquescence as codependent is to an embarrassment of witches & pickpocket is to fictional cave monster as graduation with honors is to larger than life deep sea creature & overflowing bathtub is to frantic whistling as benevolent rule is to rich farmland & corn-fed corporal is to the successful prosecution of arctic warfare as late night backrub is to the recharging of dead batteries & the setting of a kitchen match to dry paper is to tickertape parade as pay raise is to a night alone in the crow’s nest & rock the boat is to hair grease as overplayed power ballad is to lifeguard station & suntan lotion is to the impending argument as the old man’s car horn is to surprise company for dinner & spare the rod is to prison camp as good character & competitive nature is to seaworthy vessel & duty upon same
NOW I’M REALLY BLUSHING & WITH GOOD REASON
how was your trip to the ancient barber shop you ask / I did not get to ride in the little car I confess / much to my disappointment I add / but there was excitement enough when the shaky old man withdrew his straight razor from a drawer / I invite you to accompany me to the new supermarket in Red Hook / will it be an eye opening excursion you ask / I predict as follows / not only will your eyes be opened but no matter how widely you open them you will still not believe them / I’ll wear a sassy little tank top you say / did I mention that the supermarket has no air conditioning I ask / when I promise to punish myself for being so forward I say that I will hit myself with a brick / my brick collection testifies to my enthusiastic appetite for pain I say / In the car (safe & secure from all alarms) I quip as follows / the good thing about the gnashing of academic teeth is that once they have worn their teeth down all the way then they are defenseless & I can move in for the kill / upon arrival at the supermarket I am nervous / too scared to take you in my arms among the vegetables / or the canned goods / or the fantastic array of dairy products / or the bread
August 30, 2011
from Downtown Brooklyn #19 (2010)
A WOMAN’S FACE IN EVERY WINDOW
no I think it’s perfectly possible to be both midwife & executioner. your cheaper kind of god may tell you otherwise but not me. you can demolish buildings all week & then lay brick over the weekend. right this way. do you know I find it absolutely impossible to sleep within earshot of this atonal fucking windmill. asphyxiates my genitals or something. I’m fully aware it’s only some kind of weird cerebral choreography. completely unreal but consequential enough. anyway here we are. this ship will take you farther than you want to go. she’s got it where it counts. my employer will see to your warp drive & you can be on your way & that’ll be my final transaction. I can’t wait to finish. or maybe it’d be enough to be Finnish. oh, what ecstasy! so long, debris, my old friend. highly adaptive yes but every episode is a repeat of the series finale. just one more remove. a bit further north perhaps. one always thinks the next village feels unprecedented. but it’s just one big circumnavigation, lemme tell ya!
LET THINE BREATHING BE MEASURED
& let thine cloven hoof tap out joyful messages in Morse code on the shining parquet floor of some magnificent new chamber behind three new locks. stretch out with thine feelings & know thou art divine. luminous. stretch out with thine ears. tall windows at long last. even a slightly more greedy king would find it more than slightly strange to hear you say you cannot feel the same foul wind upon your face as does he. things are looking up for you. we robots overheard the discussion you had in the cockpit & don’t worry. according to the database if there are two good looking young male characters then the one with the more rakish smile always gets the girl. statistical analysis indicates that together you & the princess will sire a mighty dynasty of paperback heroes. have thine daughter bind up her hair for running. thine firstborn son shalt thou name after the very same character whom readers have grown accustomed to think irredeemable. thine heart is to the leaping flame as farm blankets thick & warm are to ninety degrees in the barrow. and it’s going up to five hundred.
A WOMAN’S FACE IN EVERY WINDOW
no I think it’s perfectly possible to be both midwife & executioner. your cheaper kind of god may tell you otherwise but not me. you can demolish buildings all week & then lay brick over the weekend. right this way. do you know I find it absolutely impossible to sleep within earshot of this atonal fucking windmill. asphyxiates my genitals or something. I’m fully aware it’s only some kind of weird cerebral choreography. completely unreal but consequential enough. anyway here we are. this ship will take you farther than you want to go. she’s got it where it counts. my employer will see to your warp drive & you can be on your way & that’ll be my final transaction. I can’t wait to finish. or maybe it’d be enough to be Finnish. oh, what ecstasy! so long, debris, my old friend. highly adaptive yes but every episode is a repeat of the series finale. just one more remove. a bit further north perhaps. one always thinks the next village feels unprecedented. but it’s just one big circumnavigation, lemme tell ya!
LET THINE BREATHING BE MEASURED
& let thine cloven hoof tap out joyful messages in Morse code on the shining parquet floor of some magnificent new chamber behind three new locks. stretch out with thine feelings & know thou art divine. luminous. stretch out with thine ears. tall windows at long last. even a slightly more greedy king would find it more than slightly strange to hear you say you cannot feel the same foul wind upon your face as does he. things are looking up for you. we robots overheard the discussion you had in the cockpit & don’t worry. according to the database if there are two good looking young male characters then the one with the more rakish smile always gets the girl. statistical analysis indicates that together you & the princess will sire a mighty dynasty of paperback heroes. have thine daughter bind up her hair for running. thine firstborn son shalt thou name after the very same character whom readers have grown accustomed to think irredeemable. thine heart is to the leaping flame as farm blankets thick & warm are to ninety degrees in the barrow. and it’s going up to five hundred.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
